The Knots They Tied
by juliannesings
Summary: Annie and Finnick were tied together with unbreakable knots. They kept each other alive when all hope was lost. After Finnick's death, Annie's world began to crumble around her. This story follows Annie as she tries to find a way to carry on.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know why I let him go in the first place.

"I don't have a good feeling about this Finn." I told him. "It's dangerous."

"I know." He whispered. "But I'm sorry Annie, I've got to go. I want to make a difference. I want to help bring him down."

"So do I, but I'm not going! I can help out here! So could you! You could tell them no. It's not too late."

"I'm sorry." He said. I had only one argument left…

"But the baby, Finn…" A few weeks ago, we had found out that I was pregnant. We hadn't announced it yet. I was terrified… But excited. I wanted to have a boy. A little boy with Finn's hair and smile and adorable stubbornness. "What if something happens to you? Do you want them to have to grow up without you? What about me? I can't live without you! I can't!" I began to cry. The idea of life without him was unbearable. A world where he ceased to breathe, where his laugh was silenced, where I would never hear him say my name… I couldn't handle that world. I couldn't handle anything without him.

"I'll be fine, Annie, I promise." He looked like he might cry as well, his eyes sad as he wiped tears off my face. "I'll come back to you. I always do. And if not…" He trailed off, his thoughts somewhere else for a moment. "No. I will come back. And when I do, we'll tell everyone our news." He touched my stomach.

"But… Finn…" I couldn't think. I had a million different things to say to him. A million different ways to ask him to stay, to tell him to go, to tell him that I would never love another man so much as I loved him. But no words would come. He stared at me patiently, waiting for me to make sense of the things in my head. Finally, I spoke. "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered. "More than you'll ever know." He hummed a song under his breath— a song from home, my favorite song. We had danced to it at our wedding.

He kissed me tenderly, his hands on my face as we fell back onto the bed. We kissed for a few minutes before lying there together, my head resting on his shoulder. He stroked my hair with a gentle hand.

"I should go." He said finally, his voice cracking.

"No." I whispered.

"I've got to, love." I shivered. I clung to him like a stubborn child, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He sat up slowly, cradling me close to his body. I was trembling. "I'll be back. I promise."

He kissed me again, whispering quietly in my ear.

"When I get back, the war will be over. We could go home, and live by the ocean again." I could hear the longing in his voice. "Imagine raising Natare in my Father's old house, right on the beach."

"Natare?"

He blushed.

"That's what I wanted to call the baby, if it was a girl." He smiled. "Natare means to swim in Latin. I should have talked to you about it before I got too set on it. Do you like it though? Natare?"

"It's perfect." I kissed him again. I had no idea he had thought about baby names already. "But what about it's a boy?"

"I'll leave that up to you." He said with a grin. His smile only lasted for a moment. Then it began to fade. "I really do have to go, Annie."

I threw my arms around his neck again, quiet sobs shaking my body.

"Be careful."

"I will." His voice trembled. "I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. But things will be even better after I get back. Don't forget that." He sighed shakily. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

He kissed me one last time, and then he was gone.

I felt empty. I lay in the bed for hours, stroking my stomach, breathing in his scent. Everyday, someone would come to my room, beg me to come out. I didn't. They brought me food. They brought me words of encouragement. But barely any of it cracked my shell. I was oblivious to everything. My hair grew knotted and my clothes were wrinkled. I ate, but only for the baby's sake. Finn would never forgive me if I let it starve.

People told me things, things about the mission, about Finn. But I blocked it all out. Something was wrong, I heard it in their voices. Haymitch yelled at me once.

"God damnit Annie, why won't you listen?" I wouldn't look at him. "We think they're dead, alright? There was a mislabeled pod, the street flooded…" I covered my ears. I did not want to hear. I did not want to know. Finnick had promised me he would come back. So he would. I wouldn't hear otherwise. I shut my eyes and covered my ears and when I opened them Haymitch was gone.

Every time I fell asleep, I would dream of him. Wonderful dreams where everything was perfect. Us by the ocean, living in his father's old house, playing with our child and watching them grow. He was alright, he had to be. But one night, there was a dream that wasn't like the rest.

Finnick and I were swimming in the ocean. There was no land in sight, only sea. Finn was treading water, looking worried.

"What's wrong, Finn?" I asked him, but he didn't answer me. "Finn? Finnick?"

I reached out to touch him, but my fingers slipped through him like he wasn't even there. I screamed. I stared at him, uncomprehending.

"Annie." He said, finally looking at me. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"I didn't keep my promise."

I looked at him, confused.

"I don't know what you mean, Finn. You've never broken a promise to me! Remeber when we were kids and…"

"Annie, I'm sorry. I don't have much time." Finally, he swam towards me and placed one of his hands on my face. But I couldn't feel it. It was like he wasn't even there. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I said, smiling sadly.

"You're going to make an amazing mother." He told me.

"You're going to be an incredible father." I laughed.

"No." He whispered. "No, I'm not."

"But…"

He kissed me, but again, I didn't feel it.

"I need to go now. You be strong, alright? Be strong for our baby." He closed his brilliant green eyes. "I love you."

"Finnick? What?… No!"

He stopped swimming. His body began to sink into the waves. I reached out, grabbed his hand, but it was no use. He sank into the ocean, and I was alone.

I screamed until my throat was raw. I tried to dive down and find him. I called his name. But only silence answered my cries. Finally, I decided to drown. I stopped swimming. I let myself float there for a moment before taking a deep breath of water. My lungs filled with water. My throat burned. Then I saw him, Finnick, swimming towards me. He took my face in his hands and spoke quietly. Even though we were underwater, I could hear him perfectly.

"No." He shook his head. "No, Annie, not yet. It's not your time."

Suddenly I felt someone grabbing my shoulders, pulling me out of the water and away from Finnick. He stared after me until I broke the surface of the water, and he was gone.

I was coughing violently. My throat burned. When I opened my eyes, I saw not Finnick, but Johanna Mason, crying.

"Why would you do that Annie?" She sobbed. She was holding my head, keeping me out of the water. I was in the bathtub, fully clothed. "Why would you try and drown yourself? Do you have any idea how I felt when I came in here and saw you with your head under the water? Why would you do that?"

I struggled to breathe, choking until I threw up. Johanna swore, and pulled me out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor. The floor was wet too. I realized that the tap was still on, icy water spilling out over the tiles. I trembled as I gasped for air.

"Finnick!" I croaked. Johanna bit her lip.

She wrapped her arms around me, dragging me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I sat on the floor, my arms around my legs, my chest still heaving for air. Johanna wrapped a towel around my shoulders.

"Are you alright? Annie? Why were you trying to drown yourself?"

I took a few deep breaths. It was still a struggle.

"He's dead." I groaned when I found the strength. "Isn't he?"

Johanna didn't answer.

"It's okay, Annie, you'll be alright." She hovered over me, unsure of what to do.

"He's dead, Johanna." My voice sounded scratchy.

"Annie… No… He's just…" Her voice trembled.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" I found myself yelling. I stood up shakily, staring at Johanna, my eyes filling with tears. "HE'S GONE."

Then I collapsed.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital wing. There was an IV in my hand, I stared at it for a while, my mind blank.

"Annie?" I looked up. Johanna sat beside my bed, her eyes red. "Good, you're awake."

Then she started crying.

It was weird to see Johanna cry. I watched her as she buried her face in her hands.

A doctor appeared at the foot of my bed. She looked sadly at me, then at Johanna.

"My name is Dr. Green. It's good to see you awake, Mrs. Odair." I winced at that name. Finnick…

"Annie," Johanna said, her face pained. "Annie, I'm sorry."

"Finnick." I whispered. I remembered the day he left. "He's…"

"Yes." Dr. Green said. "He died. I'm very sorry."

I let out a wail. I knew that. But I didn't want to… I wanted them to tell me I was wrong, to tell me he was on his way back…

"But, we have some good news for you as well." The doctor said with a sad smile. Johanna started sobbing again. "We've discovered that you're pregnant. And, despite your… uh accident, the baby is alive and doing well. It's a miracle, really."

I closed my eyes. The baby will never know its father.

"Do you know the sex of the baby?" I asked quietly.

"Yes." Dr. Green said. "It's a boy."

She bowed her head and left.

Johanna began weeping again. She grabbed my hand.

"Annie I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." She cried. "And now the baby."

"I knew about the baby. He knew about the baby. He wanted to call it Natare if it was a girl. But we never came up with any boys names."

I started sobbing then. Johanna buried her face in the bed, crying silently. She was still holding my hand.

It must have been hours before I calmed down enough to think. Maybe I would drown myself. For real this time. The hospital wing was dark and quiet. Johanna was asleep. I could sneak into the bathroom, and hold my head underwater until I died. But the baby… I was torn. Should I kill myself? Could I? There was a little boy growing inside of me. Finnick's little boy. He had told me to be strong, to be strong for the baby. I had to listen to them. I'd kill myself. But I certainly wouldn't kill our child. I'd live for him. For Finnick, and for the baby. The baby boy… I wished I knew what to name him.

"Johanna," I whispered finally. Johanna looked up at me, her face tearstained."I'm going to name the baby Finnick."


	2. Chapter 2

Finnick had been dead for 3 weeks now. 3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hours. 30240 minutes. And 1814400 unbearable seconds. I lay in Johanna's bed, my eyes glued to a tiny speck of dust as it drifted across the room. It was 3 in the morning. Johanna slept soundly beside me. I couldn't sleep. I rarely did, these days. The only thing that kept me going was the child growing inside of me. His child. Finn would hate me if I let his son die. I slid my slender fingers across my tummy, thinking about the baby boy that grew there.

Pregnancy was a frightening concept to me. There was a child growing inside of me, and that was scary. I was responsible for a life when I could barely keep myself alive. I couldn't run away from this. I couldn't suddenly decide to go back. And Finnick wasn't here with me. That was the worst part. Our baby boy would never know his Daddy.

Suddenly my eyes were filled with tears. I couldn't stay in bed any longer. I rolled silently out of bed, wobbling for a moment on my thin legs before running out of Johanna's room and into the darkened hallway wearing nothing but my thin white nightie.

I walked down the hallway for a minute before I took off running. There was nothing but silence, my ragged breathing and bare feet slapping off the cold floor.

My heart was beating quickly, but I wasn't alive, not really. A beating heart could not constitute life. My heart beat. My brain thought. But I was dead. My life was tied with Finnick's. When his ended, mine had to. This was all I had now. Silence and darkness.

District 13 was like a maze. I could barely catch my breath as I raced through the deserted labyrinth. I found myself in a concrete stairwell, running up the steps two at a time.

The physical exertion made it hard to think. But as I reached a dead ended hallway, everything came flooding back, like the water in the arena had during my games. I thought I had felt the worst pain there. But this was the worst pain, this loss. I couldn't run, or swim, or fight. It was pulling me down and I could do nothing but drown. I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, resting my head on my knobby knees. I pulled my legs into my chest and I began to wail. I screamed until my throat was raw and I could make no more sound. I cried for Finnick. I cried for our child. I cried for the world. Suddenly, I was thinking about Marius Brooks.

He was my district partner. We had been best friends back home. We had even kissed, once. That was before Finnick, of course. That was how I categorized events in my life. Before Finnick. After Finnick. And now, after after Finnick.

Marius and I hadn't planned to go into the games together. He was going to volunteer—it was his last year, and his parents were pressuring him into it. His older sister, Sulaa had won when her games. His brother, Bo had been killed brutally in his, but his family had forgotten that. They wanted another winner. So Mar went to the reaping that day meaning to volunteer. I had been called, then he volunteered, and suddenly we were on the train together and it was all very surreal. The interviews… The parade… It was all a blur. Then… The games.

Marius and I stuck together at first. For a while, we thought we could do it. We aligned ourselves with the other career tributes and things were going well. I could tell the others didn't like me—at first, I looked away every time they killed someone. I slowly became more and more used to it. There was a lot of screaming, a lot of blood. I could handle that. I could. If it meant getting home, I would do it. I would be strong.

One night, however, everyone was asleep. I was keeping watch when a girl from district 12 ran out of the woods, her eyes wild. Her clothes were torn and dirty, and in her hands she clumsily wielded an axe. I yelled and lunged for my dagger, and her dark eyes flicked up to me. They didn't look threatening. They looked frightened. Apologetic. Desperate. _She doesn't want to kill anyone. She wants to live. _I realized. While the other careers woke and scrambled for weapons, I was frozen, locked in a stare with a girl who wanted to live. Suddenly, she turned away from me and swung her axe downward with a scream that sounded less like a battle cry and more like a wounded child. Before I was able to comprehend what was happening, the blade was embedded in Marius' back.

"NO!" I shrieked, lunging at her. She brushed me off, and ducked below the arrow of the still half-asleep district 2 girl. She pulled the axe out of his back, resulting in a terrible scream from Marius and a flow of crimson blood from his wound. "MARIUS! NO! DON'T HURT HIM!"

She was going for a death blow this time, I could see it in those captivating eyes. But she wasn't good with the axe. It smashed down onto his hand as he struggled to get out of the way. His screaming seemed like it would never end.

I tried to lunge at her, but I just fell to the ground at her feet, sobbing profusely. She glanced at me, then back at Marius, whose face was contorted with pain. Our eyes met. Then, her axe swung, and met it's target. His screams were cut short as her axe severed his head. Blood poured from my best friend's neck as his head rolled towards me. I was still shrieking. Then the girl was too. She continued to scream as one of the careers, a boy from district 1, finally thrust a sword through her pale stomach. The girl fell onto their sword, her blood mixing with Marius' as she doubled over. We still hadn't looked away from each other. There was so much pain in her gaze. Not just physical. Emotional. She had killed a boy. That's all he was. A boy. A child. That's all we all were. And here we were, alone on a cold night, covered in the blood of those whose only mistake was being born, being reaped. I screamed and screamed as the district 12 girl was impaled again and again on the boy's blade. Why wouldn't she just _die? _Why did she continue to scream? Why did she continue to live? She should have died by now… Surely she had lost enough blood, been through enough pain. Her screams were sobs, now. The pitiful, dying sobs of a person who had lived through years of a painful life only to die painfully. Her blood was on my hands. Her blood was on all of our hands. Finally, she stopped crying. The district 1 boy pulled his sword from her limp form. Her body fell across my lap. I screamed. I screamed and I stared at the stars and I screamed.

There was a conversation happening. They were talking. They were talking about me. I heard my name. But all I did was scream.

"We've got to kill her. We've got no other choice. She's lost her mind now, anyway. It's more humane…"

"Here, Diamond, you do it. We'll all have equal kills now."

Diamond was coming towards me, a sword in her hand.

"Sorry, Anna, I'll make it quick."

They didn't even know my name. They didn't care. No one cared. I didn't care. I wanted to die. Maybe when I died I could stop screaming.

I stood up then, my shrieks fading to ragged breathing. The girl's limp body rolled off my lap and lay face down beside the headless corpse that had once been my best friend. I didn't know her name. I would never know. I would fall to the ground beside them and die here. This was the end of me.

But as I thought this I was running. By the time I realized that I had turned and run, I was far away. I curled up in a ball and cried for hours. I was weak, damaged, crazy. And yet, a few hours later, I had won.

I wasn't a victor though. I had lost. I should have stayed there and let Diamond impale me on her sword. It would have been less painful.

I opened my eyes. I wasn't in the Games. I wasn't in the hallway either. I was in a hospital bed, strapped down. My eyes looked around the room until they found Johanna, whose eyes were burning a hole in the wall. She glanced down at me.

"Annie." She said. Her voice cracked.

"Valora." I gasped. "Her name was Valora. Her blood was on my hands, Johanna." My voice was raw. The words barely forced their way out.

"They found you at 4 in the morning, in an abandoned hallway, screaming. You wouldn't stop. They had to sedate you."

"There's blood. There's always blood. Why? Why does it have to happen?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Johanna whispered. "They said the medicine would make you confused. Just calm down, Annie, try and focus. You don't know what's happening."

"I'm not confused. They're confused. They're all confused. They think that fighting will solve all their problems. Finn did. I did, once, but all it does is spill blood. Blood, all over your hands…"

"NURSE!" Johanna cried. Her eyes were desperate. A flustered looking woman I didn't recognize rushed in and began messing with the IV that was attached to my hand. "Annie, you can't do this again. The baby, Finn… You've got to try."

As sleep claimed me again, I whispered.

"I am."


End file.
